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  • Writer's pictureNa-Tasha Carter

Emotional Monitoring: How Insecurity Can Ruin Your Relationship


Emotional monitoring is a behavior that can arise in relationships, causing distress and potentially damaging the connection between both partners.


Think about your past relationships- have you ever been with someone, or been the someone, who repeatedly seeks reassurance, clarification, or confirmation from another person when they perceive a decline in communication.


The assumption is made that they’ve done something to trigger the change in communication. As a result, they experience heightened anxiety, fluctuations in mood, and exhibit a tendency to excessively apologize.


Understanding the Impact:


While emotionally monitoring another person, individuals become fixated on examining communication patterns, desperately searching for signs of a problem.


This behavior is often driven by subconsciously entering a kind of survival mode, wherein individuals may not even realize the gravity of their actions in the moment.


However, it's crucial to recognize that emotional monitoring can inadvertently damage the very relationship it seeks to protect.



Family Dynamics and Emotional Monitoring:


Emotional monitoring can sometimes find its roots in familial environments characterized by toxic parenting or the silent treatment.


In such households, individuals may develop emotional monitoring as a coping mechanism to establish a sense of safety.


By vigilantly observing communication patterns, they hope to preemptively identify any signs of trouble, providing a semblance of control in an unpredictable environment.


The Cycle of Emotional Monitoring:


Emotional monitoring perpetuates a cycle that feeds into negative thoughts and anxieties.


The constant need for reassurance and validation can strain relationships and hinder personal growth.


Understanding this cycle is crucial for breaking free from its grip and fostering healthier patterns of communication.



Here are a few strategies to help individuals break free from the cycle:


Self-Reflection: Encourage individuals to examine their own insecurities and fears that drive the need for emotional monitoring. By developing self-awareness, individuals can start dismantling the patterns that keep them trapped.

Open Communication: Promote open and honest dialogue between individuals involved in emotional monitoring. Encourage them to express their feelings and concerns openly, fostering a safe space where both parties can share their perspectives without judgment.

Establishing Boundaries: Encourage individuals to set clear boundaries around their communication habits. This allows for personal space and fosters a sense of trust, reducing the need for constant monitoring.

Seeking Professional Help: If emotional monitoring persists or becomes overwhelming, it may be beneficial to seek guidance from a mental health professional. Therapy can provide valuable insights and tools to address underlying issues and foster personal growth.


Relationships are supposed to bring meaning and joy into our lives- not keep us stifled and anxious every moment of every day about what our partner might be thinking.


While paying attention to your partner and their needs is vital to the success of any relationship- it cannot come at the expense of your own mental well being.



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